Yo Baby
by God Emperor Penguin
Summary: Jaune takes love advice from a fortune cookie.


**Yo Baby, I'm Horny. You want Some...**

**RWBY**

_Written from the perspective of Pyrrha Nikos_

**Summary: **_Jaune takes love advice from a fortune cookie. _

**Author's Notes: **_This is similar to Weiss, What's a Blowjob_

* * *

><p>"Yo baby, I'm horny. You want some fook?"<p>

I dropped my chopsticks. Did Jaune just really… did he just… was that an invitation? I stared at him. In one hand, he was taking pieces of a broken fortune cookie into his mouth and the other held a fortune. Jaune had invited me out for dinner at a nice eastern restaurant but… was this… was this his intention all the long?

"J-Jaune… that's…"

"Pyrrha." The sound of my name made my heart skip a beat. My face became red.

M-Maybe he was just being forward? Jaune is sweet, but then again, what did I know about him? He didn't even know who I was before… b-but now that he knew who I was… did he want to know all of me now? Was Jaune always like this? Is he some sort of-of… _player_?

"What's fook?"

Oh.

It's just Jaune being Jaune.

"Did you get that off the fortune cookie just now?" I said returning to my meal. While a great deal of myself was relieved Jaune wasn't serious, another part was sorely disappointed for some odd reason. "It's rather tasteless," I said.

"What does 'horny' have to do with taste? I got have horns. I'm not a cow."

"Cows don't have horns."

"They don't?" Jaune rubbed his chin. "Well, it says to tell this to a girl you really like… so…"

My heart skipped another beat.

"J-Jaune? A-are you…"

Was he really… going to… proposition me…? I-I've never been close to a boy before. All my life I've been surrounded by smiling faces and love proposals but even I could see their ulterior intentions. Because of that I've never even held hands with a boy… much less kissed one…

Tonight could change all that...

"Imma go ask, Weiss."

...or not. _Ouch_.

"Oh… okay…"

Jaune took out some lien. "I've got the meal covered, I'll see you back at the dorm," he said before leaving me alone in the restaurant.

"See you later, Jaune," I said disappointedly long after he had left. Again, he was leaving me to go to see Weiss. Strange how for being the Goddess of Victory I could suffer so many defeats. I'm far from invincible, I'm always hurt. I'm always alone.

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't Pyrrha Nikos.

It took me a few more spoonfuls of fried rice before I realized a very important fact.

"Wait. He's going to ask her what now?"

* * *

><p>"I am going to fook Jaune," Weiss declared proudly.<p>

"You're going to do _what_ now?"

"I am going to fook him so hard he won't be able to get out of bed."

I stared at Weiss. Woman, do you even know what you're saying? Are you crazy? Wh-why… What the… Weiss, come on. It's _Jaune_. You hate Jaune didn't you? You're always rejecting him… and now you want him to mount you until his pelvis shatters?

"B-but…"

Weiss smirked proudly. "Yang told me it's the best exercise in the world. She's too scared to try it but recommended I do it." Weiss took out a card. "She also recommended that me and Jaune rent out a training room at one of these places. Supposedly, with Jaune as my partner, my aura will grow to new heights!"

Weiss laughed maniacally.

I took the card Yang had given her. I sighed. It was a card for a love hotel.

"Weiss… you realize… that this…"

"You're jealous aren't you?"

"What."

"You're jealous! I knew it. You always had a thing for Jaune didn't you? You two are partners after all. But Yang told me I needed a male partner so Ruby won't do. So I'll just be borrowing Jaune for a few sessions."

"Weiss… no…"

"You know what? I'll even record our training sessions and play it for you. Ha! See? It's not just Yang who gets to pull pranks. I can pull pranks too. Don't you want to see me and Jaune fooking?"

"Absolutely not. That's… no… Weiss do you even know what fooking is?"

Weiss smirked.

"Of course I know what it is." Weiss withdrew an old-style video tape. "Yang let me borrow this. Apparently it was her dad's training material for fooking. Jaune and I will be using it for reference during our practice."

"You're not going to do… do… _that_ with Jaune!"

"You're being a jelly-and-Pyrrha-butter sandwich right now."

"A what."

"You know… jelly… like you're jealous? Pyrrha sounds kind of like peanut so Pyrrha-butter…"

"I'm not jealous."

Weiss gave me an accusing eye. "You sure? Are you absolutely sure you don't want to fook Jaune and obtain new heights of absolute power?"

"Well that does sound nice…"

"Ha! Do you not see the point I was trying to make? It is is that you're jealous and there's nothing you can do to stop me and Jaune from fooking!"

Weiss slammed both hands onto the table. Her declaration heard by everyone in the cafeteria. Rumors and whispers began to immediately fly all around us.

"Hey… the Schnee princess and that Arc guy…"

"I didn't realize they were…"

"Did they always had that kind of relationship?"

Weiss smirked proudly.

"See you in class, Pyrrha," said Weiss as began making her way out of the cafeteria. Before she got too far, she flipped her hair and turned to me. "And please, don't be jealous," and with that left.

Neptune walked up beside me.

"Did Weiss just say she and Jaune were going to…"

"Yeah…"

"She just said it for everyone to…"

"Yeah."

"Wow. That's _hot_."

I slammed him so hard with my shield he flew all the way to Vacuo.

* * *

><p>Ruby tilted her head, confused.<p>

"If Weiss and Jaune want to fook, let them fook. What's the big deal?"

Ruby had no idea what it means and Yang couldn't stop laughing.

"I… oh… my sides… oh, oh… they're really going! Oh, my sides…" Yang could barely keep steady. "They're… they're actually going!" Her hysterical laughing was drawing the attention of passers-byers while we met near an alleyway entrance in the Red Light District.

"I'm loving this district by the way," said Ruby. "How come we never went here with dad, Yang? I mean look at it. There's so many cool costumes and all these red lights." Ruby looked in awed at her surroundings before Yang got Ruby into a headlock and began ruffling her hair. "Yang, cut it out."

"Well, me and Ren fook all the time!" Nora hugged Ren closely. "I mean, look at the results of our training together," Nora said flexing her muscles.

"Nora… do you even know what fooking means?"

"I think Nora means we bake all the time," Ren clarified.

"We do that too!"

I bought a palm to my face.

"We need to find them. Now."

Yang released Ruby. "They're right up there," said Yang with her thumb pointing behind her at a high-class hotel complete with neon lights. "Penthouse suite, Weiss wanted nothing but the best room for… oh, oh… it's coming… she wanted nothing b-but the best for… for… _for fooking_!"

Yang was rolling on the floor.

"Yang's useless," I muttered. Turning to the others I addressed them. "Nora, Ruby, Ren, you and I are launching a full scale attack on the hotel. We must reach the top floor no matter the cost. No matter the casualties, we must reach that penthouse. Do you understand?"

Nora stood at attention and saluted.

"Aye, aye vice-captain!"

Ruby shrugged.

"I think I'm going to take Yang home…" Ruby and Yang then left.

"Good riddance," said Nora. "Who needs Team RWBY anyways? Team JNPR can handle this all by themselves! But security looks tight around for that building…"

Ren sighed.

"And just how are we supposed to reach the top of that-"

"Hammers away!"

With a mighty swing of her hammer, Nora knocked Ren and I into the sky. I had lost track of Ren mid flight but using my semblance of polarity, I pulled my shield towards the penthouse. With a duck and a roll, I crashed through and entered the hotel, finding Weiss and Jaune both in bathrobes.

"Pyrrha? What the…" Jaune looked confused.

"Weiss!"

"Pyrrha Nikos! How dare you interrupt our training. We were just about to begin too," Weiss said annoyed. The video was set and ready to play. "I understand you're jealous but please, what Jaune and I do is our business."

"Weiss…," I huffed and brushed the glass shards from myself as I walked over to her. "Let explain one last thing to you…"

Leaning close to her ears, I explained what fooking was to her. Weiss' eyes turned wide as grapefruit and her face red as cherries.

"Y-You mean… h-his… _thing_ is…"

"Yes."

"Inside? Really? Would it even fit!?"

"Yes."

"B-but Yang… wait, it's Yang. Oh no… no… no no no… I'm going to puke…" And puke, Weiss did. "I think I'm going to be sick for days," she said before puking again.

Jaune wasn't paying attention to us.

"Uh… can we still watch the video?" He asked before pressing play.

"Wait, Jaune, no!" It was too late. The video was playing.

It played.

And played.

By the end of it, Jaune had taken a seat on the bed beside me where I could not find the strength to turn it off. Weiss was almost passed out, having puked out all the food she has eaten during the day.

"That was…" Jaune began.

"Yep."

"So that's what it…"

"Yeah."

"Say Pyrrha," said Jaune.

"Yes?"

"Yo baby, I'm horny. You want some fook?"

* * *

><p><em>Yo Baby, I'm Horny. You want Some… Fin<em>

**Author's Notes:** _This was supposed to be a lemon but man did it came out awkward. Hence the ending sounds bad - I'm so sorry. ;_;. Not today. Not… today… if ever…_

**Bonus Scene!**

* * *

><p><em>Ren and Nora finally reach the penthouse door.<em>

**Nora: **Ren stop.

_Nora sniffs the air._

**Nora: **You smell that?

_Ren sniffs the air._

**Ren: **No…

**Nora: **It smells like sweat and shame…

_Nora stares down the door._

**Nora: **Coming in at the count of three! One… Now!

_Nora kicks down the door._

_Nora sees things. Terrible, unforgivable things being done with Pyrrha, Jaune, Weiss and Weiss' puke._

**Nora: **Ren cover your innocent eyes!

**Ren: **Noooooo!

_Ren is scarred for life._


End file.
